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Ghosting is not the way out of a relationship

Now you see me, now you don't.

Ong Ting Jia

Published: 28 September 2017, 5:06 PM

With the rise of casual dating culture and dating apps like Tinder, most of us have heard of friends being “ghosted” on. Heck, we might even be guilty of this cowardly act ourselves.

For those lucky ones who are uninitiated to what “ghosting” is, do not mistake it for a paranormal experience. Ghosting in a relationship is when one party simply cuts all contact and seemingly disappears, thus becoming a “ghost” instead of ending things properly when they lose romantic interest.

But not being able to see the emotional pain of leaving someone without closure does not make the pain any less real. Here are four “ghosting” stories from youths that show what happens after one silently moves on.

1. I knew he was too good to be true

“I met my dream guy on Tinder and we chatted for more than four months. He was everything I was looking for in a long-term boyfriend: smart, funny and cute.

However, one fine day he just disappeared! I didn’t even realize he was ghosting me initially, but soon realised that he was pulling the classic blue-ticks of relationship death on my messages.

He was also actively updating his Instagram Stories despite not replying.

After this incident, I learnt to be more cautious in my future relationships. I always hold back a little no matter how perfect the guy seems…Just in case.” – Anna Chua, 22, Undergraduate

2. She called the police on me

“I dated this girl for a couple of months before I realised that we were not the right fit for each other. Deciding to call it quits, I texted her that we should stop seeing each other and stopped responding to her messages.

That night, she waited outside my house till sunrise. However, I knew that she was there so I went to sleep over at my friend’s place instead.

Eventually, she called the police and reported me as a missing man. On hindsight, I should not have avoided her like that.” – Gene Huang, 23, Undergraduate

Kind of have to give it to her. This girl has tenacity.

3. He even bought my mum flowers on Mother’s Day

“It was my first real relationship. I really believed his sweet words and actions, and on Mother’s Day, he even bought my mum flowers.

Right before disappearing, he texted me goodnight and told me he loved me. When he didn’t respond to my texts and calls the next day, I was at a complete loss.

I didn’t even know what ghosting was until my friends found out what happened and informed me that it is quite a common thing nowadays.

I was devastated for weeks and till now, I cannot bring myself to trust anyone else fully.” – Xin Ting, 19, Student

This was one of the saddest stories I have ever heard. PHOTO CREDITS: YOUTH.SG/ONG TING JIA

4. He was engaged?

“He told me that he had came out of a seven-year relationship, but his ex-girlfriend was still not over him.

One day, while we were eating out, he went to the toilet and left his phone with me. I saw several unread messages from his “ex-girlfriend”. Curiosity got the better of me and I unlocked his phone.

To my immense shock, not only were they still together, he was actually engaged to her. I didn’t mention what I had seen and just stopped responding to him.

I heard that he got married a few months later. I really do wish him well.” – Sharlene Ng, 24, Administration Officer