Five ways to make your ex feel sorry

Handling a bad breakup is never easy. There will definitely be a competition between exes to “win” the breakup.

Here is a countdown towards five “effective” ways to gain the upper hand in the breakup.

5. Make it sparkle

His life will definitely be less interesting without you in it. To compensate for the absence of your shine, you have to make his life sparkle—literally.

Get a few bags of coloured glitter, and pour it over everything he owns in sight.

That is what a girl did to her ex-boyfriend a few days ago, when she found out he was cheating on her. To celebrate his newfound love, the ex poured glitter all over his belongings in his hostel room. Have fun cleaning that up, dude! You can read more about the glitter bomb here.

4. Get hotter

You are a beautiful person (yes guys, you are beautiful too). As Khloe Kardashian once said: “The best form of revenge is a good body.”

Take all that post-relationship frustration, and channel it into a full-on workout. Lose all that weight you have always wanted to shed, and tone up your body. Whip your body into shape, so that the next time your ex sees you, he or she will hate themselves for letting you go.

Try the Tae Bo workout videos with Billy Banks on YouTube—those videos are so intense, they will definitely leave you with no tears left to cry.

3. Find someone better

When you find a beautiful person, both on the inside and out (yes guys, we are still talking to you), people would want to know, naturally. It might sound like a really low and petty move to publicise your new love, but we still want to make your exes feel sorry for letting you go.

Just do it. Let social media be your weapon, so embrace and flaunt your new love.

Please make sure that the new person does not just look better, but will treat you better as well. When your exes see how well you are being treated (maybe with someone hotter), hopefully it will be the beginning of a path to reflection and repentance.

2. Move up the social ladder

Find ways to move up the ranks in society. Make new friends, catch up with current friends and focus on building your career. Become so successful and so popular that your ex will always have to hear about how great you are doing without him or her.

Sorry boo, this ship has turned into a grand cruise, and it has sailed without you.

1. Be happier

This is the key and most definite way to win the breakup. When you are happier without him or her, it really shows how much better off you are without the relationship, and that alone puts the entire breakup in your favour.

Just close that chapter of your life for good, and be happy. You do not need another person by your side to feel happy, especially not someone who has put you through hell.

Disclaimer: Please take note that this was meant to be a funny piece; the author is really an angel who believes in true love, rainbows, unicorns and all that romantic stuff. #sammyout