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Dealing with people who get easily offended

It seems like we have to walk on egg shells every time we are around them.

Muhammad Iqbal

Published: 18 January 2016, 7:09 PM

So someone got offended with your words…now what? Should you immediately apologise? Or do you just ignore them? It can even get ironic when you point out how they are easily offended and they say: “But I am easy-going! How dare you say I am not! You don’t know anything about me!”

Yes, it gets very difficult to deal with people who are easily offended. It is even more stressful when such people are your close friends.

They are the kind that get worked up about their interpretation (or misinterpretation) of a phrase (or even one word) in a sentence or tweet you made, and that sets them off like a fire in an ammunition warehouse.

So how do we deal with people like them?

Firstly, I would recommend taking three very deep breaths before reacting. This will calm you down and help you process what you are about to say. Any reply you make without calming down will be emotionally charged and put their defences up.

ACT NORMALLY. YOU’RE NOT DISMISSING THEM. YOU’RE TREATING THEM LIKE YOU’D LIKE TO BE TREATED; NORMALLY AND WITH COMPOSURE.

If this fails, you might just have to limit your contact with them to talking only when necessary. Try to avoid all the touchy topics like your stance on religion, politics and even sports teams. On top of all that, you might want to keep your personal stories personal instead of sharing it with such people.

Having done all these, you do not have to worry about whether they still get offended. Their unhappiness is now none of your business. As a human, they are entitled to feel any way they want. However if they still act on their feelings displeasingly, inform them of their actions in a composed manner.

Personally, I had to limit my interaction with some of my friends. When I realized how easily they got offended, I felt that there is no point being around them as I have to always walk on eggshells.

For situations with overly-sensitive strangers (especially online), simply decide whether it is worth talking with them. If you decide to confront them, do so without being too emotional and belligerent.

FOOTBALL BANTER ON TWITTER MAY LEAD TO A MINI-TWEET WAR.

However, while in a situation that requires an important and technically correct decision, remember that the facts trump the opinions. If the offended person is offering to solve a problem with an opinion, that person merely wishes to oppose the facts because they cannot prove their reasoning.

In a group-work scenario, if they take offense to other ideas, it is their problem, not yours. If you are already trying not to antagonize someone, you cannot be held responsible for that person’s behaviour.

Complicated people are part of life. We can choose to avoid them, but this cannot happen often and is not healthy anyway.

As the acclaimed author, Radhanath Swami, once said: “Humble people don’t get offended easily.” So if they do get upset, it is probably not their feelings that got hurt, but their ego.